"I Messed Up"
I facilitated a small group last week where we looked at learning to make choices that feel right for us.
One participant appeared to have a high level of self-doubt in her capacity to make any decisions at all.
I asked her why she thought she could not make any “right” choices?
She answered “Because things didn’t turn out well when I did”.
In other words, because things didn’t go well after some decision, or because of some mistake, she now carried a belief that she is incapable.
And of course, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy leading to absolute paralysis.
I do not blame her for feeling this way.
I don’t know her life story or environment, but for me, it is very easy to imagine how one can fall into this belief. It is especially easy if you are surrounded by criticism, shaming or a harsh environment where mistakes are treated as unacceptable.
I have no doubt her feelings about herself would change dramatically if she were surrounded by more kindness and respect.
I still believe in her capacity to get to know herself slowly and to feel into what steps she needs to take on her journey, and I hope she felt this in my tone of voice.
Believing in someone is not an artificial statement of “You can do it”.
It is felt by the person believing and felt by the person receiving.
This experience with her reminded me, once again, NOT BE HARSH on myself, my children or anyone I encounter.
People have different levels of awareness and I can certainly look back and see that mine has expanded over the years. And so, I refuse to be harsh on myself for the mistakes made when I was less aware.
And of course, this experience with her also reminded me, NOT TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH HARSHNESS or people who are addicted to feeling better about themselves by being harsh or putting others down.
We can certainly disagree with people, set boundaries, and distance ourselves from people. But being harsh is unnecessary and does not serve anyone or anything other than one’s ego, and I will not intentionally play a part in this; as sender or as receiver.
Wishing you a wonderful Sunday,
With love,
Sandy 🌹
Please share with someone who might need read this.
Gratitude Section
Today, I am feeling gratitude for Annie Blanchard who I booked a few training sessions with 6 months ago to help me get started on getting back in shape. I felt I was starting from zero after covid times, a concussion, a burnout and more. Her kind, non-judgmental, encouraging energy was perfect for me when I could barely do anything. This energy is often with me when I am exercising on my own. Thank you.
SELF-LEADERSHIP GROUP
Welcome to the Self-Leadership Group at Meta1111 in Montreal! We will meet weekly to explore and support each other as we move through the 11 STEPS TO SELF-LEADERSHIP.
JAN 25: The First Step: ACCOUNTABILITY.
FEB 1: The Second Step: TITLES, ROLES AND AUTHENTICITY
FEB 8: The Third Step: FROM CONFUSION TO CLARITY
Hope you can join!
Sign up here.
The Courage Circle: FREE online compassion circle.
Join anytime for an hour of kindness, curiosity and support.
Next Circle: Wednesday Jan 14, 2026.
zoom link
"We can certainly disagree with people" -I like how you have been pointing out/reminding that it's okay to disagree. I can see clearly now that a lot of problems actually come from not being clear on this point! Accepting this helps stop a negative cycle, helping find inner peace. <3