Breadcrumbs

Today I thought I would share a story about Breadcrumbs.

This story has a few elements from my life but also that of so many others I have heard from in the Courage Circles. And so it is a “merged story” of sorts about Breadcrumbs. And I will use the term “we” for this shared story.

When I think of breadcrumbs, I think of a tiny leftover on the table or the floor.

It does not bring about the image of a tasty nourishing piece of bread, but rather, tiny specks that do not suffice to fully nourish us.

Now, let’s take this into our relationships.

Have you ever felt “grateful” for a tiny act of affection, a spec of kindness, a crumb of respect from someone with whom you consider “close” family or romantic partner?

It gives us a tiny “taste” but it is simply never satisfying or nourishing, leaving us emotionally starving. Almost begging for more.

A small, unsatisfying hit of cocaine.

Perhaps we work harder, try to please harder to get a few more crumbs.

Perhaps we get an occasional nod of approval, a bit of attention, a compliment, a split second of feeling loved.

But we remain starved as we continuing to try to earn more breadcrumbs from others.

Because what we deeply seek is the whole loaf.

A slice of True Love.
A slice of Real connection.
A slice of True respect.
A slice of Honesty
A slice of Kindness
A slice of Compassion.
The whole Loaf.

And the search continues, our starvation continues, until the day we realize that we are the Loaf and have the capacity to nourish ourselves. We also come to know that we do not need to work or earn it in any way.

We start to provide ourself with Love, connection, respect, kindness and compassion.

And it is so satisfying…

And it brings to light how unsatisfying those unhealthy relationships are.

And so, boundaries get set, some relationships fall off.

And we feel so alone.

And it can be hard, painful and very lonely.

But it is also rich in compassion and openness the more we connect with ourself and with our truth. It is a period of questioning everything including old beliefs. We are (re)learning how to connect with everything that is.

This is a very rough period. But from what I have seen, it is also the “right path” for many. It’s not because it’s hard, that it is not the “right path”.

Slowly but surely, eventually we come back out into the world, but now with a bit more of a foundation.

We are no longer seeking those breadcrumbs.

We are no longer starving.

Life continues to present all kinds of challenges, but we have now found an inner food supply for all those times. And it’s infinite, unconditional, and always present for us no matter what happens.

That is what I’d call a “stable relationship” - with self and with Life.

We begin exploring relations that can have elements of healthy co-existence, respect, fun, connection, intimacy, support, and yes, love. We find interactions that are truly nourishing and we are now quicker to notice those that are not healthy for us.

We have discernment.

And ironically, we also now notice that sometimes one tiny word or smile from someone can feel so nourishing! How true, how kind, how compassionate, how respectful it is.

Those “tiny” acts feel nourishing, and do not feel like those other breadcrumbs at all because, they come with, and from, the energy of a full loaf.

And life continues.

But with this new found stability and ability to nourish ourselves, and to find some quality nourishment from others, we approach Life without desperation, bitterness, or a feeling of chronic starvation.

Rather, we are full: full of love, compassion, kindness and full of Life which can now spill over into the world around us… leaving loving breadcrumbs everywhere we go.

If you are somewhere on this similar journey, know that you are not alone.

Thank you for being here.

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday,

Sandy 🌹

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Gratitude Section

Today I felt deep gratitude for books. I know the work that goes into putting these together and I am so grateful to the hundreds and hundreds of authors, editors, illustrators, and publishers that have shared of themselves and put together all the books that have found their way into my hands.

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The Courage Circle Website