Boundaries and Violence against the Self
Knowing and setting my boundaries has been, by far, one of the hardest parts of my lived experience.
There are so many challenges with this process.
I will name but a few but each one is truly a entire world and a major challenge in and of itself.
1. To know your boundaries, you have to have stopped focusing only on other people’s feelings and started to look at your own. This is no easy thing depending on your early childhood home.
2. When boundaries are crossed, one feels anger. To even begin knowing your boundaries, you need have learned to listen and accept your anger as a friend. Anger and aggression are not the same thing.
3. Boundaries are unique for each person and change over time. Given that there is no “standard correct boundaries” you have to be ready to trust yourself when everyone else disagrees. This is no easy feat.
4. Given that boundaries are not about controlling others, you need to have learned to let go of control and be ready to be accountable and respect your boundaries yourself (and follow through) instead of begging and expecting others to comply.
5. Setting boundaries requires a tremendous amount of self-love and a resolve of non-violence towards the self.
6. Expressing our boundaries is often met with anger, pushback, personal attacks, guilt trips, and more. It takes courage to face this and hold your ground. It helps to have support for this process, including going in nature which is always there for you.
Art by Kevin Ford
Setting boundaries can mean loss. Leaving relationships, jobs, and so on. It is hard. It is often very hard. Sometimes it’s absolutely heartbreaking.
But it has been worth it for me.
On the other side of all this lies self-respect, inner clarity and peace, and knowing I have been true to myself.
On the other side of all this lies the knowledge that I have not participated in violence in the world by being violent towards myself.
On the other side of this, is knowing I have not participated in perpetuating behaviors that are not ok for me nor for the world.
For those of you that struggle with boundaries, know that you are not alone!
Lots of love to all,
Sandy 🌹
Please share with someone who might benefit from reading this.
Gratitude Section
Today, I am feeling deep gratitude for all the people that have shared their personal stories with me the past few years. Witnessing others persist despite all their challenges is a constant reminder for me of how we can find our way and continue to say YES to Life. (In the words of Viktor Frankl).
__________________
11 STEPS TO SELF-LEADERSHIP
- For Community
Join us at Meta1111 in Montreal!
STEP 5: From Defensiveness to Curiosity on March 1, 2026.
Hope you can join! $20 at the door.
Dm me if you have questions.
- For Organizations:
Self-Leadership workshops for organizational stability
Visit Alturahi.com
FREE online Compassion Circle
Join The Courage Circle anytime for an hour of kindness, curiosity and support.
Next Circle: Thursday March 6, 2026.
zoom link
Always lots to learn about boundaries. Life-changing skill. Learning about this topic is how I found the Circle! :)